I have a sister out there that I have never met...

Yes it is true. I have a younger sister that I have never ever met before. The story of why is long and well it's an odd one. Some know about my past and that I have a mom that I haven't seen in almost 18 years and some don't know this. Maybe I will write about that later but right now I want to write about finding Breana and just to PRAISE GOD! I've always known that I had this sister out there. The last time I heard her sweet sweet baby voice was when she was two or three years old. That voice has always stayed with me. I have always carried a picture of her folded up in my wallet and through out the years I would get a strong feeling of wanting to know her, just simply wanting her in my life. Sometimes it was harder than others knowing that I have a sister out there and yet I don't know who she is or where she was. This is a situation in my life that I have had to let go and give it ALL to God. And trust me that wasn't always easy. Being content can be a challenge for me, just ask my husband how many times I am rearranging our living room, or that I want to completely redecorate it and change out all my old decor. Oh yeah and this all has to happen on my timing because I'm just not content with how the couch looks on that wall or that we have decorative pillows that don't all match. Every time I read about being content in the bible it hits me hard and pulls at my heart. But like the bible tell us we can do all things through Christ and with trying to find my sister God has helped me to be content with that part of my life. Over the years when I would get these strong urges searches on the internet would only lead me to well nowhere. There would be nights of staying up way too late only to be disappointed and upset by the time I would lay my head down. But the morning would always bring comfort that only God could give me. Comfort in knowing that He is in control over this situation. God has never steered me wrong. Yes there have been challenges in life and times where I don't always understand God and His ways but looking back I get it now. It is so true that He does work ALL things together for our good. This feeling of wanting to start searching for Breana again hit me hard I mean like getting hit with a ton of bricks hard a couple of weeks ago. That picture of her that I mentioned above well Riley got a hold of it and came up to me asking who it was. I didn't even know what to say to her. Do I tell her this is my sister? The only sister of mine she knows of is her Aunt Bailey. And Riley is a smart cookie at only the age of three. I knew if I said my sister she would ask more questions more questions that I wouldn't know how to answer or how to explain to her. So I just said "Oh that's a cute little baby isn't it!" and I got very lucky because she just answered back with a yeah cute and went on playing. I have often thought about when my children are older how I will explain some things in my past to them. Why on my side of the family they don't have a "GiGi" or where my mother is. Riley already understands that kids have moms and dads we will watch a movie or something and she will say "Look mommy that's your mom!". And when driving in the car she will point at birds and will say how there is a mommy bird, daddy bird, and baby birds. I want them to know when they are older and when the time is right about things in my life because I believe that the story of what happened with my mom is a testimony to God. How this happened to me but through all of this God has been there for me, He's been my strong tower and has never abandoned me. I want them to know that I did my part and I have tried to have a relationship with both my mom and sister. So that night when the kids were in bed and Ryan was off at school I started doing what I do looking everywhere on the internet with what information I had. That first night I found nothing and all I could do was pray. And as I was praying I felt like God was telling me to keep looking for her. So night 2 of searching came, we paid for a person's report and got a number only to call it and find out it belonged to someone else. Again went to bed crying and praying to God but still felt like I should keep on and to not get discouraged. Day 3 came with a great find I found the high school she attends and that she made the honor roll last year. I can't tell you how happy and excited I was to see her name listed there on the computer under the title Honor Roll. So then I found that the High School had a facebook page and well I guess this is kinda creepy and weird I started messaging A TON of people asking if they knew Breana I'm her sister trying to find her. I gave it a day and got no responses. Again feeling discouraged and wanting to give up and give it another shot in a year or two I decided to go on a long walk and I just prayed that entire time I was walking  and then I felt it His strong presence lifting me up to my feet encouraging me to keep going this time around. I went back home feeling re energized and confident. I also can't write this without mentioning my amazing husband. He has been there for me every step of the way on this hard journey and he has always been such great support. I couldn't have asked for a better more understanding partner than him. He played such a huge role also in helping me find Breana. I think it was day four of my search that Ryan told me I should just call the school and ask if I could speak to my sister. He kept saying what's the worst that could happen they just would say no you can't.  So that is exactly what I did I called and I heard her voice after all these years. Our conversation wasn't long at all in fact I think she only said 4 words because she ended up setting the phone down because she was in such shock that she had heard my voice. I can't even tell you what it feels like to hear someone's voice that you have been waiting years to hear. There are truly no words. It turns out that she never even knew for certain  that she had a sister out there, someone once had told her, but that our mother denied it. She told the school counselor that she always felt like after hearing that that she did have a sister out there and would get the urge to want to know who she was. And right when I called her she had just recently had that feeling again. If that isn't God working in ALL of this then I don't know what it is. I don't know why the time is now and it wasn't some years ago that I am now able to be in contact with her but that is God for you. His timing is sometimes very different from our own. Yes this story of my life had it's hard times, long nights, lots of tears, but it made my relationship with the Lord that much stronger. I see now why God sometimes doesn't answer all our prayers or maybe He does but when He wants to because it makes us lean more on Him and give Him all of our trust. There is nothing sweeter than trusting in Him with all your heart and watching Him deliver you the desires of your heart. I truly can't praise Him enough for what He has done and how He has worked this all together. My relationship with Breana I know is going to move very slow I'd love nothing more than to see her and hug her but that's going to have to wait. And you know what I am content with that. I am just continuing to trust God with this delicate relationship and cannot wait to see what He does with it. I'm sharing this because I hope this will help someone or encourage someone to never ever stop believing that God is working in every part of your life, He doesn't do things to purposefully hurt you or bring you pain, He does them because He wants to be close to you and for you to be close to Him. He wants nothing more then for you to give your all to Him so that whatever it is you are going through He will be all you need and He will pull you through. I hope that this little story of my life is proof of that.

^" Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6-7